Dreams and a nightmare

 

Dreaming again

Woke up this morning feeling fine (apologies to Herman’s Hermits).

I learn that overnight a massive shift in transport thinking has at last given the country the safe cycling conditions campaigners have craved for over the past 100 years.

It was the first positive move to slow down climate change.

We now have cycle lanes and routes and city wide traffic calming which has seen a 50-per cent increase in the numbers cycling utility trips, with many people now cycling short distances instead of driving. 

Wide cycle lanes with traffic controlled junctions and roundabouts give cyclists and pedestrians right of way, in all cities, towns across theUK.

Huge cycle parks for up 10,000 bikes, some in high rise buildings others underground can be found in all towns and cities.

How did this come about?

Well, it started with the invasion by Denmark who had been itching for revenge since the British navy bombed Copenhagen in 1807. They did this to sink the Danish warship fleet and so prevent Napoleon getting his hands on it.

The Dutch – irked by the UK’s decision to quit the EU back in 2016 – threw in their lot with the Danes invoking the spirit of their Viking ancestors who history tell us had troubled us somewhat centuries before.

The combined invasion force which sailed up the Thames met with little resistance from the armed forces disarmed by defence spending cuts.

A new Danish-Dutch government immediately set about reviewing policies to tackle the UK’s dire economical mess.

All the public utilities, such has energy and water, were re-nationalised and the UK re-joined the European Union with the immediate effect that prices in the shops dropped.

Cycling UK became embedded within the mess that is the Department for Transport and given a leading role in transport policy, guided by Dutch and Danish experts.  Shared car ownership became the norm.  Driving licences were restricted to those with genuine need. i.e. No one. Well, far fewer than we see today.

Priority was given to digging out the rot at the centre of government and so all private schools were shut down, starting with Eton and Harrow, the bedrock of the establishment culture which has furnished government with selfish money grabbing silver-spoon types who have always shaped government policy according to their own needs  rather than the public good.

The education system received a huge financial boost to raise the standards of education to provide equal opportunity for all. And so did the NHS, with £billions given the service direct from oil company coffers.

Unlike the French revolution of 1789 when many of the elite were sent to the guillotine, a more benign punishment was dealt out. Many  who have backed conservative policy this past decade were transported to empty housing in West Lancashire, vacated by  their previous owners wishing to avoid imminent flooding from sea level rise caused by global warming .

The new tenants were each given a pair of wellies to be going on with.

However, the serial offenders in the big oil companies and those in government who actively campaigned against climate change science were harshly dealt with.  They despatched to the South Pole and left there on a melting ice floes to await their fate. Would the polar bears get them before the water did? 

We can all dream.

Meanwhile, back in real world Mark Cavendish has crashed out of the Tour de France on stage eight, with a broken collar-bone.  Buggar. Here’s to your 34 road stage wins in your remarkable Career,  Cav, a Tour record.

Step forward the Yates twins – Adam or Simon – to further stir up the race.  Or better still, how about

British champion Fred Wright gets his maiden Tour stage win! We need our spirits lifted.